Pharmacy Jokes – Funny Pharma Doctor Patient Pharmacist Medical Joke: Here are real funny pharmacy jokes for you to share in your college or school and even you can use them in your work place.
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Pharmacy Jokes for you
Pharmacy Jokes
Pharmacy student = educated drug dealer 🙂
Pharmacy Jokes 1 : A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech. Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can’t read his notes. So he asks, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”
A Polak was suffering from constipation, so his doctor
prescribed suppositiories. A week later the Pole complained to the doctor that they didn’t produce the desired results.
“Have you been taking them regulary?” the doctor asked.
“What do you think I’ve been doing,” the Pole said, “Shoving them up my ass?”
Click here to see -10 Basic Definitions Every Pharmacy Student Must Know
Clean Pharmacy Jokes 2
Pharmacy Jokes:
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks
out of the store laughing hysterically. The pharmacist
thinks this is weird, but hey, there’s no law
preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who
knows, maybe it’s a good thing.
The next day, the same man comes back to the store,
purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves
the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. “What could be so funny about
buying a condom, anyway?” So he tells his clerk “If
this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him to
see where he goes.” Sure enough, the next day the same
man is back, he buys the condom, and again starts
cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The
pharmacist tells his clerk, go follow the guy. About
an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
“Did you follow him? Where did he go?” asks the
pharmacist.
The clerk replies “Your house.”
Another best set of two Pharmacy Jokes for you
Pharmacist Jokes
Pharmacy Jokes 3: A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you.”
“Oh, that’s no problem,” said the man. “If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour.”
“Show me,” said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety – ribbed, flavoured, colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, but I don’t think we could employ someone who’d be womanizing all over the country.”
Pharma QA Job Interview Guide
“Excuse me!” exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!”
“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?” asked the interviewer.
The man replied, “Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?”
Are you a pharma student then this will help you when you look for Pharmacy Jokes.
Pharma Jokes
Pharmacy Jokes 4 : A doctor, a lawyer and an engineer had been friends since childhood. One day they were out playing golf and there was a foursome ahead of them playing along very slowly. They felt impatient. The pro happened to swing by on his cart and they flagged him down. “Why can’t that group ahead play through?” one of them asked the pro. The pro explained that this was a group of firefighters who had saved the clubhouse in the big fire last year but they were blinded by a sudden flashback.
.
This gave them all thought. In a moment, the doctor said “send them to my clinic, we have been able to do great things for people blinded in this way.” Then the lawyer said, “my firm can help them recover the money needed for their eye operations.” The engineer just said, “why can’t they play at night?”
Pharmacy Jokes 5:
Teacher: How to write four between five?
Pharma student: Nice joke.
MBA student: not possible
ENGINEERING student: F(IV)E. 😛
Pharmacy Jokes: 6
A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man’s face.
“What did you do that for?” the man asks.
“Well, you don’t have the hiccups anymore, do you?”
The man says, “No, but my wife out in the car still does!”
Pharmacy Jokes: 7
How to Write a Pharmacy Progress Note ?
Pharmacy Jokes: 8
Pharmacy Jokes: 9
Pharmacy Jokes
Pharmacy Jokes: 10
A doctor is to give a speech at the local AMA dinner. He jots down notes for his speech. Unfortunately, when he stands in front of his colleagues later that night, he finds that he can’t read his notes. So he asks, “Is there a pharmacist in the house?”
A miracle drug is one that has now the same price as last year.
A new drug for Yuppies: It doesn’t give a false sense of security or relaxation — it makes you enjoy being tense.
Pharmacy Jokes: 11
A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering.
The interviewer said, “Although you have a lot of the qualities we’re looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you.”
“Oh, that’s no problem,” said the man. “If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour.”
“Show me,” said the interviewer.
So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety – ribbed, flavoured, colored and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking.
The interviewer said, “That’s amazing, but I don’t think we could employ someone who’d be womanizing all over the country.”
“Excuse me!” exclaimed the man, “I’m a happily married man, not a womanizer!”
“Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?” asked the interviewer.
The man replied, “Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin?”
Pharmacy Humour
Pharmacy Jokes: 13
A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says “OK,” and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms.
Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he’ll take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms.
The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. Guy says, “OK,” and goes back to the pharmacy and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms.
Finally, the pharmacist asks, “Look, if it makes you sick, how come you keep doing it?”
Pharmacy Jokes: 15
A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
“Well,” he said, “I’ve been seeing this girl for a while and she’s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight’s “the” night. We’re having dinner with her parents, and then we’re going out. And I’ve got a feeling I’m gonna get lucky after that. Once she’s had me, she’ll want me all the time, so you’d better give me the 12 pack.” The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, “You never told me that you were such a religious person.” He leans over to her and whispers, “You never told me that your father is a pharmacist.”
Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for men?
It changes their blood type.
Pharmacy Jokes: 16
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
Pharmacy Jokes: 17
The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”
A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle jumping up and down in the parking lot. The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman whats the matter. She replies ” I saw it said ‘Shake Well’ after I took it”.
Customer gets a topical cream. Direction: apply locally two times a day.
Customer says to the pharmacist: “I can’t apply locally, I’m going overseas.”
Pharmacy Jokes: 20
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient. “Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours,” the pharmacist says. “Don’t worry,” replies the patient. “It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off”.
A funeral procession is going up a steep hill on main street when the door of the hearst flys open and the coffin falls out then speeds down main street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, “You got anything to stop this coffin ?”
A front end clerk in a pharmacy has just been admonished by the owner for missing too many sales. “I’m sorry” the boss says “But one more missed sale and your fired”
The next customer that comes in has a terrible cough and asks the problem clerk for help. Unable to recall where the cough remedies are, the nervous clerk points to a box of Ex-Lax and says “Here, buy this then go over to our cooler and take all of it with plenty of water”.
Pharmacy Jokes: 21
The customer thanks him and obliges. Finishing his last glass of water, the customer exits the pharmacy. Once outside he stops, takes a few faltering steps, then hugs a telephone pole. The boss, having witnessed the entire scene, approaches the clerk and asks him what he recommended.
“Ex-Lax,” says the clerk hesitantly.
“Ex-Lax !” yells the boss. “That won’t help a cough!”
“Sure it does,” says the clerk. “Look,.. he’s afraid to cough.”
Lady says to pharmacist: “Why does my prescription medication have 40 side effects?”
Pharmacist replies: “Cause that’s all we’ve documented so far.”
A woman and her husband approach their pharmacist and begin to ask questions like if the pharmacy checks for medications past their expiration date and the reliability of a certain company that makes birth control pills. Finally the pharmacist asks the couple what’s the matter. The wife explains, “In spite of using birth control pills I continue to get pregnant.”
Pharmacodynamics Basic Notes
The pharmacist is astounded and asks the woman if she takes them every day.
The woman replies, “My husband takes them every day.”
“What ?” the pharmacist croaks.
“Yep. After we read all those potential side-effects, my husband said ‘ Ah honey.. I don’t what you taking that stuff.. it’s too dangerous,…..let ME take them.’ “
How pharmacists do it…
Pharmacists do it with drugs.
Pharmacists do it by prescription.
Pharmacists do it with side effects.
Pharmacists do it over the counter.
Pharmacists do it with scruples.
Pharmacists do it with a grinding motion.
Pharmacy Jokes: 25
How many pharmacists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to do it ten days, three times a day.
Two young pharmacists are talking professionally at their office.
Boy Pharmacist. : What do you want this time, with coat or without coat ?
Gal Pharmacist: with coating, because I don’t want to release granules earlier.
Boy Pharmacist: So, Shall I start molding?
Gal Pharmacist: No, No… first close the door and window and switch off, because this work is light sensitive.
Pharmacy Jokes: 26
What do you call a pharmacist working at a veterinary drug company… a FARM-ASSISTpharmacist adedamola ilori
Guy runs into a pharmacy. He dashes to the counter and exclaims, “Please, help! I’ve got a splinter in my finger and I don’t know what to do!” The pharmacist grabs a bottle of Ichthammol Ointment and says to the man, “Here my good sir…Try this black salve.” To which the man replies, “This is no time for heavy metal music!”Pat Lare
What do scots take for fungal groin infections?
‘Sporranox!’Sarah Hird
An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, “I’d like to have some birth control pills.”
Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, “Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you’re 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?”
The woman responded, “They help me sleep better.”
The doctor thought some more and continued, “How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?”
The woman said, “I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice and I sleep better at night.”
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some bottom deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman that they don’t sell bottom deodorant, and never have.
Doctor Pharmacist Jokes
Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
“I’m sorry,” says the pharmacist, “we don’t have any.”
“But I always get it here,” says the blonde.
“Do you have the container it comes in?”
“Yes!” said the blonde, “I will go get it.”
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her, “This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant.”
The annoyed blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container, “To apply, push up bottom.”
A man walks into a pharmacy and goes to the counter. Standing behind the
counter is a young woman.
“May I speak to the pharmacist?” he asks.
“Well,” she replies, “I am the pharmacist.”
He looks very uncomfortable, and asks for a *male* pharmacist, as he has a
“male problem.”
She informs him that only she and her sister work at this particular
establishment.
He blushes and says, “Well, I really do need help, so I guess I’ll ask you…
I have a problem. I have a constant erection, and nothing I do seems to get rid
of it. It’s been like this for three months now. Can you give me anything for
it?”
The woman looks thoughtful, and says, “Hold on, I’ll go in back and ask my
sister.”
After a couple of minutes she returns and says, “We’ll give you half of the
business and it’s profits, but that’s all we can give you for it…”
Medical Jokes
New Drugs For Women
D A M N I T O L (<—-my favorite 😀 :thumbup: )
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up
to 8 full hours.
ST. M O M M A’S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom’s depression by
rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to two days.
E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness
by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers
and how you couldn’t wait till they moved out.
P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,
decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.
D U M B E R O L
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low
IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup
trucks.
F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling
road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.
M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases
resistance to such lethal lines as, “You make me want
to be a better person … Can we get naked now?..”
B U Y A G R A
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of
spending spree.
J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can’t remember
your birthday, anniversary or phone number.
A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on
anyone too eager to share their life stories with
total strangers in elevators.
N A G A M E N T
When administered to a husband, provides the same
irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving
the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.
A chemist walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”
umm… a pharmacist without scruples isn’t worth a dram
[insert old person sound]
Old pharmacists never die, they just lose their potency….
Doctor Jokes
Favorite forged prescription:
“mophine”
now why did he get caught?
A chemist walks into a drug store and asks the pharmacist, “Do you have any
acetylsalicylic acid?”
“You mean aspirin?” asked the pharmacist.
“That’s it, I can never remember that word.”
A Man goes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to remain professional, asked what he wanted it for.
He answered, “I want to kill my wife.”
“I’m sorry Sir,” the pharmacist replied, “but you will have to understand under such circumstances I can’t sell you any Cyanide.”
The guy reaches into his pocket, pulls out his wallet and produces a photo of his ugly wife. The pharmacist blushes and replies, “I am sorry Sir, I didn’t realize you had a prescription.”
Pharmacy Students Joke:
1.First Year
2. Lectures
3. Attendance
4. Assignments
5.Exams!!
A man went into a drug store in Baltimore, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a “Hefty-bag” face mask over his head. He then and realised that he’d forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask. He was arrested by security men.
Who To Trust? Doctor or Google?
If you trust Google more than your doctor than maybe it’s time to switch doctors.
Jadelr and Cristina Cordova
Sugar TestOne day an Irishman called Seamus went into a pharmacy in Clonmel. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out a bottle of Irish whiskey and a teaspoon.
Seamus proceeded to pour some of the amber liquid into the teaspoon and offered it to the chemist.
“Could you taste this for me, please?” Asked Seamus
The chemist took the teaspoon, put it into his mouth, swilled the liquid around and swallowed it.
“Does that taste sweet to you?” says Seamus.
“No, not at all,” says the pharmacist.
“Oh that’s a relief,” says Seamus.
“Doctor Flannigan told me to come here and get my urine tested for sugar.”
Wedding Preparation – Kindly sent in by Sarah Cowling
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a pharmacists. Jacob suggests they go in.Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner?”
The Pharmacist answers, “Yes.”Jacob: “We’re about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do.”6.End of semester/New semester
7. Interviews!!
8. Strange facts!
And last not to mention….
Thank you. I hope so many loads of memories relived. Every bit of college g was happiest and beautiful in one or other way.
A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems at the Day Centre coffee morning.
‘Do you realise,’ said one, ‘My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup.’
‘Yes, I know.’ replied the second, ‘My cataracts are so bad I can’t see to pour the coffee.’
‘I can’t turn my head,’ rejoined the third, ‘because of the arthritis in my neck.’
‘My blood pressure pills make my dizzy,’ commented the fourth, adding, ‘I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old.’
‘Well, it’s not all bad.’ piped up the first, ‘We should be thankful that we can still drive.’
Pharmacist Jokes Latest
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely.”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer’s?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety. The works.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson’s disease?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely..”
Jacob: “Everything for heartburn and indigestion?”
Pharmacist: “We sure do.”
Jacob: “You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?”
Pharmacist: “All speeds and sizes.”
Jacob: “In that case, we’d like to use this store for our wedding presents list.”
20 MEDICATION JOKES – One Liners
Remember, humor is subjective, so not all of these jokes may tickle your funny bone, but I hope you find some of them amusing!
- Certainly! Here are 20 pharmacy-related jokes for you:
- Why did the pill go to school? Because it wanted to be a little capsule!
- What do you call a pharmacist who knows how to play the guitar? A med-rockin’ pharmacist!
- Did you hear about the pharmacist who lost his license? He just couldn’t make enough cents.
- What did the pharmacist say to the rude customer? “You must have a prescription for your bad attitude!”
- Why did the tablet go to therapy? Because it had too many issues to swallow!
- How do you make a hormone? Don’t pay her!
- Why do pharmacists make great baseball players? They know how to handle the drugs!
- What’s a pharmacist’s favorite game? Pill-ow fight!
- Why did the pharmacist go broke? Because he lost all his patients!
- What did one aspirin say to the other? “I’ll stop your pain if you stop splitting headaches!”
- How does a pharmacist greet you on Halloween? “Trick or treatment!”
- What did the sick grape say at the pharmacy? “I’m not feeling so wine.”
- Why did the pharmacist bring a ladder to work? Because he heard the flu shot was on the top shelf!
- What do you call a pharmacist who doesn’t make mistakes? An “ex-chemist”!
- Why did the pharmacist keep his job at the fruit stand? Because he knew how to handle all kinds of “prescriptions”!
- Why do pharmacists always look so calm? Because they know how to keep their composure!
- How do you organize a space party? You “planet” at the pharmacy!
- What did the grape say when it got stepped on at the pharmacy? “Nothing, it just let out a little wine.”
- Why was the pharmacy employee always so happy? Because he had the right “dose” of humor!
- Why do pharmacists make terrible secret agents? Because they can’t keep a prescription secret!